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Being assertive, particularly if you are unaccustomed to doing so, can be scary.So start small with something manageable and build up your assertive skill to larger tasks like these: 3. When you first start acting assertively, if it is a departure from your habitual state, you may be afraid that others will perceive you as mean or rude.Madeline always prided herself in being "a nice girl." As a child, she was taught that being kind to others was a virtue; she grew up paying special attention to the positive feedback she received for being nice and pleasing others.She derived much of her self-worth from putting the feelings and needs of other people well above her own.Madeline knew it was time for a change—she needed stronger boundaries.Boundaries can be defined as the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards us.Now you have a full roster of people that you KNOW are interested in hooking up with you.
To start setting your boundaries straight, try these four things. Examine past experiences where you felt discomfort, anger, resentment or frustration with an individual.
But affirming your boundaries means that you value yourself, your needs, and your feelings more than the thoughts and opinions of others.
Being assertive does not mean that you are unkind, it only means that you are being fair and honest with them (and, thus, kind to them in the long run), while maintaining your peace, dignity, and self-respect.
References Honestly, this is good advice, and so extraordinarily difficult for those of us who have been conditioned to not be selfish, put others first, etc. Rationally they need to happen, but how do you alleviate the guiltily of saying no when you've never disappointed someone before? The key thing here is that you need to put you first. For instance, don't say 'no' outright, but suggest an alternative.
For some, it's easier to get straight A grades and get into National Honor Society than to say no to someone because you have been conditioned to not hurt anyone's feelings. For example: Do your children want pizza for supper but you've already made something else? Do your friends want to go to a restaurant you don't like?
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